Posts Tagged ‘zombies’


So… a couple of weeks ago it was time to pay for my Gold membership to XBOX Live, which allows me to talk and play with my friends online.  Pretty much the only reason I OWN an XBOX is the link I have to my pals back home.  As often as I can, my Minnesota guys Jake, Jeremy, Joe and I will log on to defend the Earth from the zombie Apocalypse.

It’s a rough job, but we can’t have those filthy zombies taking over now, can we?  And those damned monkeys!!

All right…the card on file was old so I put in my current information.  I then immediately went to the XBOX site online and paid for my year subscription.  After I did so, I immediately got an email notification telling me that I had overdrafted on my account.  I found this odd.  I had about a hundred bucks in there and the yearly charge is only [sorry, did I just say “only”?) $59.99.  Surely there must be some mistake.  I checked my account online and found that I had TWO charges for $59.99 pending.

You ever watch the news and hear one of the newscasters utter a phrase similar to, “Americans living paycheck to paycheck”?  That’s ME!  I generally have things pretty organized, and an unexpected sixty bucks throws a rather large wrench into the fray.

So right away I call the support line.  I talk to a gal and explain the situation.  She assures me that although the two charges are pending, only one of them will go through and the other would simply drop off and disappear.  I protested, but was pretty much at her mercy and she was rather insistent.    So I accepted her professional opinion and went on with my day.

We all know what happened next, right?

A couple of days later and sure enough – the two charges for $59.99 POSTED…and I got a $34 overdraft charge from the bank.

So this shit just pisses me off to no end.  I end up too frustrated to even call for several days, but yesterday I did so.  Jake, Jeremy and I were planning on playing last night and I wanted to be able to tell them the story about how I beat this injustice.  I called the customer line again and explained the situation to a new gal who was super nice.  She was empathizing and saying all the right shit – whatever.  What she WASN’T able to say was anything like, “I’ll refund the $59.99, take your membership down to just one year instead of two, and let’s see how we can compensate you for that overdraft charge, eh?”

Nothing like that.

She did pass me on to another fellow.  Again – super nice guy.  He assures me that he will resolve the situation.  Now, while the phrase “I will resolve the situation” theoretically sounds great, it is rather vague.  After the third time or so he utters that phrase, I ask him what that means.

“Does that mean you are going to refund my 59.99?”


Well that’s great, right?  What’s the problem?  Why have I wasted both MY time writing this and YOUR time reading this when clearly the situation is being resolved?

Well, after placing me on hold while he does his magic, he comes back and tells me that everything is on track to be resolved.

He has canceled my membership.  Within the next 24 hours I will be emailed a token of sorts that will be good for one year of a Gold Membership.


“Wait… you canceled my membership?”

“Yes, sir.”

“So I can’t get online now?”

“No, sir.  You will be emailed a token within 24 hours blah blah blah shutthefuckup”

“But I was going to play XBOX with The Guys tonight.  I can’t do that now.”

“No sir, but within 24 hours you we be emailed yabbadabbawhathefuck”

“Don’t you think it would have been a good idea to discuss canceling my membership with me before we do that?”

“Yes, sir.  But it was the only way to get you this credit.”


This is bullshit.  It’s the year Two Thousand and Fucking Eleven.  If your customer service representatives can’t refund 59.99 to an account and change that account from a two year membership to a one year membership WITHIN EIGHT CLICKS OF A COMPUTER MOUSE then you FUCKING FAIL.


All right.  So I’m screwed out of last night’s Zombie slaying with The Guys.  And let me tell you, that’s a real bummer.  They’re two thousand miles away.  They’ve got wives and kids which take up much of their lives (and rightly so).  If I get a chance to decapitate the undead with them, Goddammit, I’m taking it!  And this precious little time I SHOULD have with them gets pissed away by some billing goober.

Cut to earlier tonight (26 hours after the call).  I have no email containing a token.  I call customer service and once again get a really nice fuckin’ guy.  Nicest of the bunch yet.  I tell him the deal.

As it turns out, the guy who took care of me last night did NOTHING with my account.

I says…  I says…

I says the guy did NOTHING with my account.

The guy on the phone apologizes profusely.  He let’s me know that he’s put my case into the URGENT queue.

He says that I should get my 59.99 refund in about three days.

He says that my Gold Membership token should arrive in about three days.

An URGENT case takes three fuckin’ days?

So now I’m put in a position where…

….damn, I’m finding it so hard to even type the words here…

I might have to …

READ A BOOK or something!!

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck you XBOX,


P.S.  By the way, nothing about my 34 bucks?


…and by “catch up on” I mean read one book.

Pride and Prejudice

Pride and Prejudice

This may seem like old news to many of you out there and I’m sorry to seem so behind in the times.  About a year ago, my brother Jake had uploaded the following photo to his Facebook page:

...and Zombies!

...and Zombies!

It made me laugh.  “What a fun and silly idea!” I thought to myself.  I thought it was just a fun picture somebody had made.  However, it’s the real deal.  It’s a real book!  Somebody took the story of Jane Austen and reimagined it in the world where Zombies exist and are troublesome!  I love it.  So the big question is:  do I actually have to read the original to be able to appreciate the Zombified version?  I’m afraid that may be the case.

I might have to force myself to take in some culture in order to take in some schlock horror.

Drinking my tea with my pinky extended and my shotgun in my left hand,