Posts Tagged ‘Triple H’

 

CM Punk's Wrestlemania debut: An extra playing a Chicago "Gangster"

I purchase two pay-per-views a year:  The WWE Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania.  And Wrestlemania is UPON US!

I think this year’s Wrestlemania has a lot to offer.  Let’s dig in.

Darnit Randy, I said "Dig *IN*"!

The Rock vs. John Cena

I see John Cena winning here.  I’m not his biggest fan, but I just don’t think they’ll have Rock come back WITHOUT putting over whoever he was going to face.  This match has a lot of spark.  Insiders are saying that there is legit tension between the two.  It there really?  Maybe.  But both of these guys are doing there best to make me BELIEVE it, which is the most important part. 

Bottom line:  Cena pins The Rock.  If he makes The Rock tap out I’ll shit my pants.

Extra fun:  Bret Hart mentioned on Twitter that he would happily show The Rock how to properly apply The Sharpshooter.  Even back in the late ’90s and early 2000s my friends and I lamented how poorly Dwayne puts that on.

Nope.

The Undertaker vs. Triple H

  • Hell in a Cell
  • Shawn Michaels as special referee

Triple H and I are PALS! Chyna and I...not so much.

This is the match that I’m most confident about on the card.  The Undertaker will win this match.  I’ll go further and say that I don’t believe Shawn Michaels will “screw” anybody out of a victory or anything like that. 

My friend took this pic when we were at a house show in Anaheim in 1997. The heat on these guys was INCREDIBLE.

It’s disappointing to hear so many people say, “Oh, I don’t want to see that match again.  I saw it twice already.” 

Yeah.

They had a match at Wrestlemania 17.  AND IT WAS AWESOME.

They had a match least year.  AND IT WAS AWESOME.

Were they Flair / Steamboat (who had wrestled hundreds of times and still had great matches which internet nerds salivate over)?  No.  But they have their own style of match that features two bad-ass wrestlers that nobody would fuck with and have the audience wondering what’s going to happen next.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho

          * WWE Championship match

Jericho and I are PALS!

This shit is gonna’ rule.  My guess is that Punk retains the championship (my confidence level is 75 percent).  But you’ve got these two guys who really know how to work a crowd.  Personally I’m more excited about this match than anything else on the card.  The thing is that I kind of want Jericho to win just to ensure that this feud continues.  But again – my guess is that Punk wins decisively. 

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

  • World Heavyweight Championship match

Daniel Bryan. AGREEMENT! AGREEMENT!

I think that this will also be a great match.  I predict Sheamus will take the championship (85 percent).  I would LOVE it if Bryan kept the title but don’t see it happening on Sunday.  Bryan is SO GOOD playing the evil vegan and AJ is playing her “Miss Elizabeth” role quite well.  Maybe if I’m lucky, Daniel will win the title back at the next pay-per-view.

Cody Rhodes vs. The Big Show

  • Intercontinental Championship match

I don't have a picture of myself with Cody or Show, so here's me with Cody's brother. He was very nice.

I’m just happy that the IC title is being defended at Wrestlemania!  This hasn’t been a given the last few years.  Cody’s doing a great job as the jerk, and I think the audience will really want Big Show to bring the belt home.  I’m guessing that Big Show will do that, but am only about 65 percent sure.

 Randy Orton vs. Kane

 Aw, man… I really don’t think that this match will be good.  Orton vs. Punk had a great finish last year, but Kane is no CM Punk.  I guess that Randy will win, and I will want this to be over quickly so as not to irritate my non-wrestling fans who will be at the house with boredom.

 I beg these two to prove me wrong.

 Team Teddy [Santino Marella, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder, The Great Khali, and Booker T] VS

Team Johnny [David Otunga, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, The Miz, and Drew McIntyre]

 A lot of people are whining about this match.  The way I see it, if they’re not going to have a Money in the Bank match (which I would FAR prefer), this is the next best way for some of the guys to get on the card.  Battle Royals have kind of been done to death and at least this match kind of means something.

Even without my qualifiying statements above, I think this should still be fun.  I absolutely love Santino, Kofi’s great, Zack should be fun, I love Booker, Ziggler’s friggin’ awesome, I think Swagger is underrated and should be pushed better, and I still haven’t stopped digging The Miz since before he won the WWE championship.  I’m happy Mark Henry has a spot. 

[For those of you keeping track, R-Truth, The Great Khali, David Otunga and Drew McIntyre are people that I really wouldn’t pay to see.]

My guess here is that Team Johnny will win.  I look over my predictions and see that I’m calling most matches for the “good” guy (although I do consider Rock, Cena, Taker and Trips to be neutral).  Bad guys have to win SOMEWHERE and this seems to be as good a place as ever. 

Maria Menounos and Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres

One wrestler and three airheads, one of which is allegedly a celebrity.  My prediction on this is that I will use the restroom and likely grab a snack.

And that’s all that’s been announced as of now, but there are other things to consider:

**  Will Triple H come out to his Conan the Barbarian costume?

**  Could Living Colour play CM Punk’s theme live on his way out?  (There have been no rumors to suggest this but I think it’d be awesome)

**  Will Jim Ross call any matches?  Cuz he SHOULD.

**  What surprise WWE Legends will show up?  We need to see Hot Rod somewhere, don’t we?  Or the Iron Sheik?  They need to start promoting Legends House, right?

Sunday, April 1st on Pay Per View

Advertisements

CM Punk is not impressed with the wrath of God

A lot of my friends on Facebook who loosely know me (but don’t KNOW know me) will frequently ask, “Who’s this CM Punk guy?  Is he a wrestler or something?” Even the people who KIND OF know me are aware that I’m a pro-wrestling nut… and yes, CM Punk is a professional wrestler.

So here’s the deal – starting from the beginning:

I came across a Facebook page called Where’s Randy Savage.  They are also on Tumblr.  The idea is that legendary Randy “Macho Man” Savage is photoshopped into various moments throughout the past, present, and (I’m sure) the future.

I don’t think I need to say anything else.  You now know that it’s the GREATEST FUCKING IDEA OF ALL TIME.  Any time a new Savage pic was posted, I would go back into the batch I’ve already seen just to laugh some more.

Some time last year I set up a Tumblr page.  I made this page simply as another way to promote my Doctor Who fan music video that I was working on.  I’d never really played with Tumblr, but came across a page called “Spock Is Not Impressed”.  They are also on Facebook.  It’s a very similar idea to the Savage page, but while the Savage page uses a variety of shots of the Macho Man, Spock is done with the same, disapproving look.  This page is pretty fun as well.  This one is my favorite:

So, I’m at home watching WWE RAW, having a swell time watching CM Punk and Triple H speaking angrily at each other.  Trips says something like “I could totally kick your ass right here and now… but I won’t”.  Then Punk turned to the camera and gave us THIS look:

CM Punk is not impressed with Triple H

 
I laughed.  Oh boy, did I laugh.  I rewound it several times and laughed each time.  I called my girlfriend into the room and had her watch it… a few more times.  Wanting to never forget this hilarious moment, I took a picture of the TV screen with my camera and continued with the show.
 
The next morning, after doing enough work to justify a break, I logged onto to Tumblr to post some behind the scenes pics of the Who video to drum up interest.  The first thing on my timeline was the Spock photo with Jay Leno… and it hit me like a slap in the face.
 
I thought to myself, “Can I do a … … … CM Punk is Not Impressed?”
 
After about 45 seconds I thought, “Sure.”
 
No disrespect to the owner of the Spock page, because I can’t stress enough that I truly enjoy the stuff they put out, but neither of us is doing anything particularly original.  Where’s Randy Savage is the first of its kind that I know of.
 
Now the bummer is, I only have access to Microsoft Paint at work.  At first I found either goofy things or important moments in history (like both other pages) and merely stuck Punk in front of  it.  Kinda funny.  Then I started putting Punk’s face over the face of someone in the pic.  I’m particularly happy with the Ghostbusters and Groundhog Day (with Ned) shots.  But as pleased as I allowed myself to be…  quality-wise they were still kind of weak.
 
Then I got a Facebook message from some guy named Michael Frankito.  As it turns out, Michael is the creator of Where’s Randy Savage.  He told me he thought the idea was funny, and asked if he could help out.  Well heck yeah!  Michael not only made a few superb quality Punk pics, but he promoted my page on his Savage page.
 
The page went from a couple hundred fans to several thousand in a day, and the pics got much better.
 
Then enter my good friend, Ralph Apel.
 
Ralph’s not really a wrestling fan, but he enjoyed the idea.  Ralph is very creative… and he ALSO has Photoshop!  I think the first pic that Ralph offered was the one at the top from Raiders of the Lost Ark, followed by the Predator pic.  Just solid, hilarious stuff.  He has since studied up on Punk and actually likes him, which has inspired him a bit I think.  Apart from the amazing originals he makes, Ralph has also given me a standing offer – he’ll do pretty much any idea I give him and he’ll make it look good.
 
So that’s where we’re at!  Three guys who like to laugh, Photoshopping goofy pictures.  Thanks to everybody for spreading the word and I hope everybody is having fun!
 
Like Joseph Stalin (or Kennedy),
 
Kev
 
P.S.  Here’s the Who video!
 
 

 

UPDATE!!  They changed a match, so I am changing a prediction.  Vladmir Koslov has been taken out of the 8 man tag match and has been replaced with Kofi Kingston.  As a result, I am changing my prediction to Kofi’s team winning.  He DID just lose the Intercontinental Championship to Wade Barrett, and I figure a win at Wrestlemania might make it up to the guy.

And now…back to the blog in progress:

It’s time for the biggest show of the year, The Showcase of the Immortals, this… … … is WRESTLEMANIA!

Before we get to what’s on the card, let’s get to what’s NOT on the show which is the Money in the Bank match. This match has happened for the last six Wrestlemanias and proves very exciting each time.  Eight guys in a match fight to climb a ladder and grab a briefcase containing a shot at their choice of championships for any time during the next year.  This is a highlight every year and they fuckin’ pulled it.

Big mistake, guys.  The Money in the Bank match has always had a very special feeling to it.  When you were watching it you knew this was a big deal.

Wrestlemania’s guest host is The Rock.  This was a GREAT addition.  He says he has some very special things planned for the night and dammit, I believe him.

Wait… let’s try again.

[Whew, that’s better!]  On to the matches.  I copied this list from Wikipedia – changing the order of the top three.

1 Triple H vs. The Undertaker 

I just found out that Triple H will be coming out to the ring to a Metallica song.  I’m not sure which.  At first I though it might be “Enter Sandman”, but after thinking about it realized that it HAS to be “For Whom the Bell Tolls”.  Not just because it’s my favorite song from my favorite band, but because it is rather fitting for the match.

As far as the match itself goes, I think it’ll be very exciting.  It won’t be nearly as exciting as The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels from the last two years, but lots of fun and definitely worth the main event assuming it is the last match of the night [which is no guarantee – see Number 2].

PREDICTION:  The Undertaker.  No way Trips is ending The Streak.

No Holds Barred match

2 The Miz (c) vs. John Cena 

This is the only other match that could be the last of the night, but I’m putting it second because that’s where I personally think it belongs.  I feel bad for The Miz.  He’s the friggin’ WWE Champ for Pete’s sake, but all anybody can talk about is Rock vs. Cena.  Having said that, I think I’ll be pleasantly suprised, and The Miz will find a way to get past Cena to remain Champ…likely due to The Rock’s interference.  My prediction largely hangs on my theory that Rock vs. Cena will take place at SummerSlam and I don’t believe that would be a title match.

I really HOPE Rock vs. Cena is at SummerSlam, because SummerSlam is in Los Angeles this year and you can darned well bet that I’ll be there!

PREDICTION: The Miz.

Singles match for the WWE Championship

3 Edge (c) (with Christian) vs. Alberto Del Rio (with Brodus ClayRicardo Rodriguez

Somehow this match is lacking something.  I can’t place it.

I see Alberto Del Rio winning the championship after Christian turns on his longtime pal.

PREDICTION:  Alberto Del Rio.

Singles match for the World Heavyweight Championship[11]
4 Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole (with Jack Swagger

I’m happy for Jerry “The King” Lawler, finally getting his Wrestlemania match after all these years in the business.

Lawler piledrives Cole.  Austin stuns Swagger.  Austin stuns Cole (post match).  Beer.

PREDICTION: Jerry “The King” Lawler via pin following piledriver.

Singles match with special guest referee Steve Austin
5 Randy Orton vs. CM Punk 

Man I fuckin’ love CM Punk.  Unfortunately, I don’t see both Randy and Cena (WWE’s present and future faces of the company) losing their respective matches.

PREDICTION: Orton wins via RKO.

Singles match
6 Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes 

I’m more interested in finding out what stupid costume Mysterio will be wearing than the match itself.  I’m ambivalent about it but am open to them impressing me.

PREDICTION: Rey Mysterio wins and takes off Cody’s mask to reveal… a normal looking face?

Singles match
7 Nicole “Snooki” PolizziTrish Stratus and John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler and LayCool (Layla and Michelle McCool) (with Vickie Guerrero

PREDICTION: I will get a snack during this match.

In all seriousness (and I WAS serious), I don’t recall a high-profile “celebrity” match where the “celebrity” lost.

PREDICTION (addendum):  Trish, Morrison and Snookie win. Also, I will feel bad for Trish.

6-person mixed tag team match
8 Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan 

I think Daniel Bryan is frigging awesome.  Nothing against Sheamus – who is actually doing really well these days – but I really want to see Daniel go over here.

PREDICTION: DANIEL BRYAN wins via submission in the best WRESTLING match of the night.

Singles match for the United States Championship
9 KaneBig ShowSantino Marella, and Vladimir Kozlov (with Tamina) vs. The Corre (Wade BarrettEzekiel JacksonJustin Gabriel, and Heath Slater

Santino is my favorite comic relief of the WWE.  Unfortunately, I don’t see The Corre losing here.

PREDICTION: The Corre wins, then Santino and gang do some wacky stuff after the match.

8-man Tag Team match

I dunno’.  The card isn’t AMAZING.  But it’s the biggest show of the year, ya’ know?

I’m sure there will be many fun non-match segments throughout.  I’m hoping Diesel shows up.  What else you got, Vince?

sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY,

Kev

It’s Monday, January 4th, 2010.  Total Nonstop Action (TNA) wrestling has a special Monday night showing where they premiere their new figurehead boss: Hulk Hogan.  They are promising BIG surprises.  On the other side (MY side) World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) brings out the legendary Bret “The Hitman” Hart for the first time live on RAW in over 12 years.  Here are my thoughts as I watched them (TNA was three hours and RAW was two.  as a result I watched the first hour of TNA then watched RAW in its entirety, then went back to TNA.  I won’t split the shows up in review).

Raw stars out with a kick-ass video with highlights of Bret’s WWF career followed by the Montreal screwjob and Shawn Michaels urging Vince to allow Bret to host…and HERE COMES BRET!

Hell… he walks out and stops at the top of the stage and I instantly tear up.  Amazing.  They tinkered with his entrance music. I’m sure Vince called it “updating”.  I call it “bullshit”.

Bret: “Well I guess Hell’s frozen over.”  His hair’s a bit thinner and grayer and his voice is a bit like gravel but man… it’s him.  Bret says that he tried several times over the past twelve years to come back but Vince said that the timing wasn’t right.  That’s funny because pretty much everybody knows it was Bret who wasn’t ready to come back.

Nice “Welcome back” chant.

HOLY FUCK.  Bret’s callling out Shawn.  Small tension but it slowly turns into a lovefest.  They shake hands and there’s a great tease for the superkick from Shawn, but they hug.  Shawn’s music plays as he leaves?  Bret now calls out Vince!  Vince is too cowardly to accept however, and we get a plug for Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston and DX vs. Jericho and the Big Show.

After commercial we see Vince about to enter his office.  He was “in a meeting” which is why he didn’t answer Bret’s call, but Vince says that HE will call out Bret later on the show (on his terms).

First match of the show is part of a tournament to determine a new women’s champion.  It’s one of the Bella Twins vs. Maryse.  Maryse wins in a mercifully short match.  I’m ready for more Bret, please.

The Miz comes out in street clothes with the United States championship.  He’s AWESOME!  Miz gives some weird and creepy smack talk to Maryse who…seems to like it?  Miz is on commentary for a four-way match to determine the number one contender to his championship.  MVP vs. Jack Swagger vs… I’ll find out after the commercial?

OK, there’s also Carlito and Mark Henry.  I would really like Carlito to win but we’ll see what happens.  Man, these guys are not working well together.  Some really bad spots.  MVP wins after the Playmaker.  I’m ready for more Bret, please.

Jericho and Big Show backstage!  If they don’t win the championship Jericho is off RAW “for good”.

Jericho:  I’m not leaving Raw.

Big Show: I don’t want you to go!

Jericho is going to meet with Bret!  Cut to commercial.  Fozzy (featuring Chris Jericho!) have the official song for the Royal Rumble!

Jericho is trying to get Bret to be the special referee for the tag title match.  Ha!  Jericho says he can put Shawn Michaels in the Walls of Jericho and Bret can “let instinct take over” (and call for the bell ala Montreal).  Bret wants nothing to do with it.  He calls Chris a hypocrite, makes fun of how he whined and cried while training at the Hart dungeon and sends him off.

Cut to Triple H and Hornswaggle (the DX mascot).  Trips is telling Hornswaggle that he can play with all the WWE toys he wants as long as Shawn and Trips beat Jericho and Show tonight.  ENTER Santino in a Chris Jericho wig.  Santino FUCKING HILARIOUSLY spouts out some incorrect catchphrases of Jericho’s.  Trips sicks Hornswaggle on Santino like a dog.  Santino:  “Good luck at the sucking it”.  cut to commercial.

DX enters for the title match.  I REALLY want Jericho and Show to win.  It’s funny to see Hornswaggle do the X-Pac DX crotch chop when X-Pac himself is on the other show tonight.  So, will the Hart Dynasty come in and cost DX the titles?  Show reverses a double suplex attempt, nice.  Friggin’ commercial again?

Whoa… sure, it’s “The Tooth Fairy”, but The Rock is in a movie with Julie Andrews and Billy Crystal?  Good for him!  Here’s hoping HE guest hosts sometime soon!

Jericho pulling out the Hogan hand to ear?  Hot tag to Shawn who goes to work on Show.  Flying forearm doesn’t drop Show!  Another with no luck!  Dropkick to the knee does the trick.  Jeez, huge chokeslam by Show onto Shawn but no pinfall.  DARNED near close fall on Trips by Jericho.  Codebreaker!  But Jericho doesn’t cover right away and Shawn interrupts the pin  Jericho boots Hornswaggle!  Jericho has Trips in the Walls of Jericho but Shawn superkicks him.  Jericho is pinned and is gone from RAW.  That sucks.

Here comes Big Show as Jericho is laid out.  Trips and Shawn throw in some verbal assaults Chris’s way.  Show just walks away from his partner!  Jericho is dazed in the ring.  Jericho takes the walk of shame up the ramp. 

Randy Orton is at Vince’s door.  He offers a deal:  Randy kicks Bret in the head and puts him out of action.  As a reward Vince puts him in the Royal Rumble at number 30.  Vince won’t forget about when Orton attacked him and his family.  He denies the request and firmly warns Randy to never confront him again.  Pretty good – nice and intense…and realistic.  Orton is pissed off.  He walks down the hallway and is confronted by his stablemates.  They give him the same ultimatum he gave them last week: If you can’t beat your opponent tonight we’re kicking you out of Legacy and also kicking the hell out of you.  Nice!  Good to see them standing up to him.  After commercial and –

Here comes Sheamus!  He’s the champ, dontcha’ know?  Evan Bourne comes out to challenge for the title.  Sheamus says that if Evan beats him tonight he’ll give him a title shot at the Rumble.  And damn – it really looked like Evan had him after one minute… but he DIDN’T!  Crowd chants for Cena because they are fools.  Aww, Sheamus pins Bourne.

Very nice little tribute to Dr. Death Steve Williams who passed away in the last week.  Bret confronts Vince (or is it the other way around?) NEXT!  Aaaand the video package again, this time with extended Montreal footage and discussion.  Damn, I screwed up.  It wasn’t NEXT.  Kofi vs. Orton is next.  Of course Vince and Bret will finish the show (duh!).

Rhodes and Dibiase watching from ringside.  Orton is thrown to the outside but they don’t offer any help and ANOTHER DAMNED COMMERCIAL!

What is it about Cody Rhodes that looks so weird?  Is it his hair?  Kofi and Randy work really well together!  RKO finishes Kofi off.  Cody and Ted look disappointed.  Awesome. 

After commercial we learn that Mike Tyson will be hosting RAW next week from Minneapolis, Minnesota!  And Vince comes to the ring.  He wishes us a Happy New Year and says that there is no reason to call Bret out.  Bret and Shawn put the Montreal incident in the past so that means that he is finished with it as well.  Vince tries to change the subject to discuss Mike Tyson hosting next week but Bret comes out WITHOUT his crappy music.  Bret takes his jacket off… TINY gut.

Vince starts kissing Bret’s ass but also wants to get some things off his chest, like the idea that “You screwed You”.  Vince would like an apology.  The fans don’t seems to think that is appropriate.  Bret mentions that the two words Vince wants to hear are much different from the two words Bret wants to say.  Vince starts buttering Bret up which can only mean that the big hurt is going to finish it…   Vince wants to induct Bret’s dad, the legendary Stu Hart into the WWE Hall of Fame.  Vince thanks him for all Bret’s contributions and all the thrilling moments he’s given the WWE Universe.  Vince shakes Bret’s hand.Vince raises Bret’s hand.  They pose to each side of the ring.  Vince is totally going to clothesline Bret….  but he doesn’t.  Instead he kicks him in the gut!  Or was it the nards?  Couldn’t tell from this angle.  Vince leaves Bret recovering in the ring and the show ends with Bret looking at Vince in the aisle and he’s pretty disgusted.

NOW TO TNA IMPACT (this review will be shorter)

Nice video over the history of the company.  The new backstage announcer Bubba the Love Sponge interviews idiot fans outside the building.  They are knobs.

The first match is a steel asylum match with six X-Division (high flying) wrestlers.  It’s in a cage and the winner is who can escape through the hole in the top (which would seem rather difficult even with NO competitors trying to stop you).  So get this, the guys are working hard and hitting all their spots.  The crowd is very vocal in its support for Alex Shelly (let’s go Shelly!) and for the company in general (TNA! TNA!) and for this style of wrestling (X-DIVISION!).  So Homicide get’s a baton and nails everybody in the ring causing…a no-contest?  In a cage match?!?  The crowd VOCALLY – in UNISON – chants “THIS IS BULLSHIT”.

NICE JOB, TNA.  Your first match in your special with Hulk Hogan?  The episode of Impact you are desperately trying to get everybody to watch and it has your fans chanting “this is bullshit”.  Yeah, you’ve really got the pulse of your fans.

OK, so Homicide has knocked everybody out and he is CLEARLY supposed to go through the top of the cage, but he CAN’T DO IT!  I’m telling you – it looks really difficult.  The guys in the ring improvise and start beating on him, then cue the music.  Out comes Jeff Hardy to brawl with Homicide.

Fuck Jeff Hardy.  What an ungrateful prick.  I can’t say it enough.  FUCK JEFF HARDY.

Back from commercial and Kevin Nash is sleeping through an interview.  Nash says that Hogan was his first mentor?  Don’t tell that to Shawn Michaels you lying sack of crap!

Next up is the TNA Knockouts match where ODB defeats Tara for the championship.  This is very nice, as ODB is the sister of a friend.  Congrats, Travis!  ODB gets the pin when she pulls Tara’s tights for leverage.  Enough of Tara’s buttcrack shows that TNA cuts away to … a still frame from when the cage was still up? … for just a second.  Tara interrupts ODB’s celebration and knocks her out…followed by setting a tarantula on ODB’s stomach (which I don’t think I could ever do).

We see a limo pull up – and out comes Ric Flair.  Dammit, Flair.  I’d be mad at you but it’s so sad to see you do this.

Mick Foley (who is now a bad guy) is denied entrance to the building and is extremely hilarious in his efforts to get in (Love, Mick!).  Bobby Lashley (who I hate) comes out with his wife Kristal (who I’ve never seen before).  Kristal gets on the mic and I am immediately impressed.  She cuts a promo turning Bobby heel.  She’s great.  I still hate her husband but she can sure talk.

Dumb chicks playing strip poker for ratings.  Great.

SCOTT HALL and SEAN WALTMAN (the former X-Pac) try to get in the building with no luck.  Hall is pudgy but I’ve seen him worse.  Hopefully the guy takes care of himself.  Shot of the limo approaching.  One guy gets out of one limo and gets into what we assume to be Hogan’s (they couldn’t ride together?).

Back from commercial and Hall and Waltman have got seats now?  They are very excited for Hogan.  How f’n sad:  Hogan’s music is a rip-off of the NWO theme.  Oh, and Hogan’s doing the whole “wearing black and growing a beard” thing.  Luckily no shoe polish…yet.  Hogan is checking out the crowd.  Not quite the 68,000 at Wrestlemania 18, eh Hulkster?

Hogan:  “I’ve been in the back all day long”.  Er…Hulkster…didn’t we just watch you arrive in the limo?  I’m beginning to think he’s dishonest.

Hall:  “Hey, yo” (I’d actually forgotten about that)

Hall and X-Pac want to party, but Hogan’s all grown up now.

Hey – after I wrote that Hogan said “It’s time that we all grow up”!  I’m PSYCHIC!!!

Here comes Kevin Nash.  He’s got to side with Hall and X-Pac, right?  Yes, he does.  Eric Bischoff comes out… and the crowd erupts?

X-Pac says his line.  Eric starts to talk.  X-Pac slyly (as slyly as you can ON TELEVISION) hands the microphone to Kevin Nash (because it’s Nash’s lines are next after Bischoff’s).  Silly.

Bischoff tears up the show format given to him from the producer and produces a new one.  And STING IS IN THE RAFTERS!!!

Seriously?

Woman’s tag title match.  I’m fast forwarding.  Sad, because it’s probably a good match but I’m really getting burned out here.  While randomly checking in with the match, the crowd is chanting “This is awesome!”.  Hamada and Kong for the win – new champs!  It probably was pretty good.

Val Venis shows up at the chick strip poker game.  Good lord.

Mick wants in!  The security guards won’t let him in but he’s got another plan.  The Nasty Boys are here!  Raven and Stevie Richards do the job to Matt Morgan and Hernandez.  Daffney looks nice and zombie hot!  The Pope (the former Elijah Burke) is greeted by Orlando Jordan (now with hair!).  Desmond Wolfe beats The Pope.  Aw, man!  I wrote that before the match actually started and was WRONG!  Pope over Desmond with a small package.

Here comes Jeff Jarrett.  I like him.  He walks around the back.  Finally meet up with the champ, A.J. Styles!  He’s facing Kurt Angle at the next PPV.  Is that it for him tonight?  Bischoff (sarcastically) applauds him.  AHH… Styles vs. Angle is TONIGHT!  Smart move. 

Jarrett hits the ring for an interview.  Jarrett sings the praises of the company and the hard work of many of the wrestlers.  Hogan interrupts and tells him that nobody cares.  Is Hogan turning heel?  The crowd is chanting bullshit.  Hogan is a damned fool!

Christy Hemme is a terrible actress.  Mick has forced his way in!

Abyss vs. Samoa Joe.  Samoa Joe friggin’ rules, why isn’t he in the title picture?  He shouldn’t need a chair to beat Abyss, but he did.

The Nasty Boys can’t get in?  Bubba lets them in.

KURT ANGLE.  He wants the championship back.

The Nasty Boys have found Team 3Ds locker room.  That should be one helluva brawl when it happens!  the Nastys are cussing aplenty… and SPRAY-PAINTING! “Now that’s Nasty!”

Plenthy of time for the main event.  Very smart to do so with Kurt vs. AJ.  AJ wins after a springboard 450 splash.  Some masked guy interferes but is eliminated.  “People LOVE masked people who interfere in matches, Brother!”

Hogan’s got something to say after the match, but a PA runs up to him and Hulkster’s gotta’ RUN, Brother!

Mick is looking for Hogan backstage but finds Bischoff.  After threatening Bischoff the oWo (old World order) start beating him up.  Hogan runs backstage and looks at everybody. 

Seriously, thats how the show ended. 

Sorry Heath.  RAW takes the night.

Let’s visit the World Wrestling Federation in 1997.  This was literally the most exciting year for me as a wrestling fan, and one of the top reasons was The Hart Foundation: Owen Hart, The British Bulldog, Jim Neidhart, and Brian Pillman headed by Bret Hart.  Bret (his character and likely in real life) had grown frustrated with the American wrestling fans for cheering on “bad guys” like Stone Cold Steve Austin. 

This leads me to one of the most exciting and intense moments in wrestling history which took place just a few weeks before Bret reformed the Hart Foundation – the first minute of this video:

(The swearing definitely helped, but Bret’s intensity would have made it work without)

Bret had fought the good fight, yet people cheered Austin for doing things like taking a steel chair and repeatedly drilling Bret in the knee with it.  The interesting thing is:  The Hart Foundation became “bad guys” in the United States but became overwhelming crowd favorites across the rest of the globe – especially in Canada where Bret and Owen are from.  Then Bret finally regains the championship and is set to defend against Shawn Michaels in Montreal at the Survivor Series… but there’s a wrinkle.

In ’96, Bret signed a ten year, multi-million dollar contract with Vince.  Now Vince approaches Bret and says that he can’t pay it.  Vince suggests Bret see if Eric Bischoff (The President of WCW – the WWF’s competitor) can get him a good deal.  Bret doesn’t really want to but agrees.  It’s set:  The Survivor Series will be Bret’s final WWF pay per view before leaving the company.  But wait a second – Bret is the WWF champion and isn’t terribly interested in losing to a guy he really doesn’t like in Shawn Michaels in his homeland.  Vince really wants Bret to lose the title to Shawn at the pay per view, but Bret doesn’t want to.  Alternatives are thrown about.  They settle on a disqualification at the Survivor Series.  Bret doesn’t lose the title to Shawn and they’ll figure something out in the next couple of days as to how and to whom the title changes hands.  The Survivor Series turns out to be an emotional night.  Everybody backstage and most of the fans know that it’s Bret’s last Pay Per View with the company and nobody’s really happy about it.  Then this happened:

Vince screwed Bret out of the championship.  Shawn put Bret in a submission hold (Bret’s OWN submission hold) and the referee indicated that Bret gave up, ending the match and giving the title to Shawn.

Bret was understandably bitter.  He went to WCW a few weeks later and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart and The British Bulldog followed shortly after.  Only Owen Hart wasn’t let out of his contract as he was seen as too valuable to the WWF.  For the next two years we held out hope that Bret might come back some day but there was so much anger it seemed unlikely.

Owen deserves his own posting.  He was a ridiculously talented wrestler and absolutely hilarious.  Then on May 23rd, 1999, Owen fell to his death during a WWF Pay Per View (luckily it was not on camera).  He was supposed to descend from the rafters in his Blue Blazer superhero outfit but something happened.  So very tragic.

So if we thought it was merely unlikely that Bret would return to the company after being screwed, now that his little brother died under Vince’s watch we could pretty much erase any thought of him coming back.

But time heals all wounds, as they say.  Bret has apparently signed a contract to host RAW on Monday (TOMORROW!) and the contract runs through Wrestlemania which is in either late March or early April.

AND… there are rumors that he will wrestle one final match at Wrestlemania.

This is HUGE.  Just friggin’ huge.  For the first time in over TWELVE YEARS, Bret Hart comes to Monday Night Raw on Monday, January 4th, 2010.

What’s going to happen with Bret and Vince?

What’s going to happen with Bret and Shawn?

What kind of reaction will the crowd give the five time WWE champion?

I can’t wait to find out! 

Stone Cold Steve Austin is a hyena,

Kev

So I’m about a third of the way through watching RAW last night when it hits me that I’m actually ENJOYING at and looking forward to the rest of the show!  So far we had Jesse Ventura come out as the night’s Host.  He was doing a fine job and told us that we’ve been seeing too many of the same faces in the Championship scene.  He set up a battle royal filled with wrestlers that have never had a title shot.  The winner of the battle royal will receive a shot at his brand’s championship at the next Pay Per View, “TLC” (Tables, Ladders and Chairs).

SWEET!  Somebody gets a chance to break through to the top of the scene!  As much as I love Shawn Michaels and Triple H, there’s only so many times I can get excited about seeing one of them fight in the main event, and goodness knows the world doesn’t need another Cena/Orton match.

Side note about Orton:  I’m really liking him!  I disliked him personally for a few years because he’s been pretty immature behind the scenes, but getting married and having a kid has done him good.  I can feel good about liking him again.

We got a pretty good Cena / CM Punk match.  My favorite part was before the match when Punk told Cena, “Through these sober eyes, I can see you.”  I’ve mentioned before how awesome I think Punk is, but I don’t think I’ve brought up how bored I am of Cena.  BORED.  Turn him bad and I’ll like him again, but I was pissed off when he pinned Punk.

CM Punk is Straight Edge. That means he's better than you.

I think the thing I was most excited about was the DX vs. Hart Dynasty match.  Here we have TJ Wilson and David Hart Smith (the son of the legendary British Bulldog, Davey Boy Smith).  The Hart Foundation in the past had huge issues with DX (Shawn Michaels and Triple H) and this would be the first time in over TEN YEARS that DX would face members of the Hart Family.  There was so much history between the two factions and I couldn’t wait to see this explored!  You’ve got the legitimate screwing over of Bret Hart for the WWE title at the Survivor Series in 1997, you’ve got Shawn beating the British Bulldog for the European title in the UK after Bulldog dedicated the match to his dying sister, and so much more!

The Hart Foundation... coolest group ever (provided you disregard Davy Boy's fanny pack)

We get to the match.  NOT ONE WORD of the history between the two groups is mentioned.  You could have had TJ and Smith do an interview before the match and really tear into DX vowing revenge for all sorts of deeds.  Nothing.  DX wins a five minute match after a superkick from Shawn and a pedigree from Trips.

Fuck you guys.  Seriously.  Fuck you guys.

Then Chris Jericho came out and talked smack to DX.  Jericho is exactly what he says he is: the best in the world at what he does.

Jericho!

It’s the week of Thanksgiving, and thankfully we all got to relive the Survivor Series moment from 1990 when the Gobblygooker was unleashed!  Back in ’90 they had a big egg that Mean Gene promised us would hatch at the pay per view and every week speculated as to what could be in it.  I speculated as well!  I was sure that Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake was ready to return and would POUNCE out of that egg ready for action!  Some people thought that Ric Flair was coming in.  Instead we got this:

Yup.  This friggin’ turkey-or-what-have-you popped out of the egg, danced around the ring, did some gymnastics, then clucked off, not to be seen or heard from for many years until the fine folks at WWE realized it could be brought out as a joke to remind us of how goofy things were at one point.

SPEAKING OF GOOFY: there was a six woman tag match featuring the Pilgrims (the bad team) vs. the Indians (the good team).  Normally I fast forward through woman wrestling matches because it’s pretty much tna but I was watching the show live and didn’t have the option.  And it’s a good thing, because the entrance music used for the Indians was TATANKA’s old entrance music!!:

Oh, the hilarity!

So speaking of hilarity and golden moments from the past, it was decided that Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon would do commentary on the main event – just like they did in the ’80s!  Vince even put on his tuxedo with the red tie!  It was amazing and … well, just all sorts of amazing!

Now the main event itself?  The next challenger to John Cena’s championship is this guy:

If he wins the title at the ppv I’ll eat my hat.

I’ll purchase a hat, then eat it.  But best of luck to you, Sheamus.  Hopefully this gives you some credibility and is a jump start to a big career.  You’ve been handed the ball – how far can you run with it?  Personally I’m skeptical but keeping an open mind.

I had texted my friend Ray who was still at work and told him, “best RAW in years”.  I was clearly wrong, but was going off the potential of the night.  A fresh contender for the title?  A DX/Hart match?  Jesse and Vince on commentary (granted, that did pay off). 

This night should have ruled.  When the part of the night that got me most excited was a tie hearing Tatanka’s old music and seeing the Gobbledygooker… there’s trouble a’brewin’.

Well Enough is Enough, and it’s Time for a Change!

Kev