kevcyberman

I was in the shower at about 5:10 this morning, groggy as hell, and I thought back to growing up in St. Michael, Minnesota.  Specifically, I remember hanging out with my friend Tim at his barn.  Yes, they had a barn – and a big one at that!  On the top floor there was a rope hanging from the middle and there was a platform which we could swing off of.  It was a total blast and many afternoons after school were spent up there.  The bottom portion of the barn was considerably less open.  While they occasionally had a horse it was usually empty – but had different areas sectioned off where animals could be housed.

One night when we were about twelve years old, I stayed over at Tim’s place and we slept in a tent outside.  Of course, when you are twelve and sleeping outdoors you run around at night and we decided to investigate the barn.*  Now, the downstairs of the barn during the day was kind of creepy but nothing that would prevent us from playing in it.  But at night… at night it was PURE BLACK and the downstairs of the barn was TERRIFYING!  We dared ourselves to see if we could walk all the way through it.  We knew that place like the back of our hands during the day but only got about a third of the way through before turning back.  It was just super, super scary.
 
Back to the shower!
 
I’m in the shower thinking about that crazy adventure (and kind of wondering WHY I was thinking about it) when it hits me:  I know the very first thing I would do if I had a TARDIS (or ANY time machine): 
I would follow my timeline to that night exploring the barn.  I would get there ten minutes before Tim and I entered the barn.  I would put on a very scary costume.  I would wait until Little Kevin and Little Tim got well into the barn…
 
And I would chase the holy Hell out of young Tim and Kevin. 
PURE TERROR.
 
* it was as I was typing “decided to investigate the barn” when I realized exactly WHY I was thinking of this scary night as I showered.  It was due to the freaky dream I had.
 
In my dream last night I was staying at Tim’s house.  Nobody else (not even Tim) was there, but for some reason I was sleeping in his bed.  So I see myself sleeping in the bed when a ghost dressed in Ebeneezer Scrooge’s nightgown approached sleeping Kevin.  The ghost was played by this comedic actor from The Whitest Kids U Know:
whitestkid
– except he was very very tall and his face was completely white (even whiter than this picture!) …hmmm…white….Whitest Kids…  ANYWAY –
 
Trevor the Ghost is standing over my sleeping body, then turns to the Kevin watching the dream (the REAL me) and gives me the “Shhhhh” finger to the lips motion making no sound.  He then pretends to pull out a shotgun (in mime) and pretends to shoot one of my kneecaps.  He silently pantomimes a big laugh, “shushes” me, then shoots my other kneecap.  Laughs again, shushes again, then shoots “sleeping” me in the chest then head.  Each time looking REAL me in the eyes and shushing me and laughing.
 
It was fuckin’ weird.
 
I woke up in real life at about 4 in the morning pretty disturbed, but was able to go back to bed.
 
Oh, and the second thing I would do if I had a TARDIS would be to get tomorrow’s lottery numbers (you know that already). 
 
But the first thing would definitely be to terrorize my younger self and my friend.
 
Reversing the polarity of the neutron flow,
 
Kev
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Comments
  1. jshady says:

    You should go back and give your young self the winning lottery numbers to a lottery back then! Then convince your mom to buy you a ticket. Then use that money to build a time machine!

    Repeat.

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